Duality
by Prosperosdaughter
Summary: Lupin has become dangerous near the full moon and Snape has every reason to be afraid. Adult themes of Non-Con/Victimhood.  Not explicit.
1. Chapter 1

**Everything belongs to JK Rowling.**

Adult story of SS/RL considering the nature of duality, victimhood and impossibility of forgiveness.

DUALITY

Chapter 1

It was coming up to the third full moon since Lupin had taken up the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts professor. Snape had noticed that Lupin's behaviour became increasingly strange as the full moon drew near. He would feel the hair on the back of neck rise, and when he looked around, he would invariably find Lupin in the vicinity, watching him silently. Lupin would hold his gaze then move away, but Snape found it unsettling nonetheless and it happened with increasing frequency. When the full moon had passed, Lupin would revert to his insufferably amiable self. The same thing would happen at the next full moon. He noticed Lupin seemingly following him more and more. _Tracking him? Hunting him? _Snape did not consider himself a fanciful man, but he found his heart racing with the thrill of fear each time he caught Lupin staring at him, his lambent stare deep and searching. He started to avoid Lupin completely and found himself fearful. He Occluded his mind so none should see his weakness.

It was the night before the full moon. Snape took the wolfsbane potion to Lupin and left it on his desk, adjuring him to drink it without delay. It was part of a regimen beginning before the full moon to allow a werewolf to retain its human mind during its transformation into the wolf to render the creature safe. It was fiendishly difficult to brew, but not for Snape, the Potions master.

Lupin had looked directly at Snape when he set delivered the brew. Lupin's features had an odd cast: they seemed harsher, sharper, more predatory. His eyes seemed to glow golden, bright and deep. Snape fancied he saw the wolf glide past. Lupin stood. His usual stance was somewhat passive, but not tonight. He looked commanding but on edge. Snape's acute sense of smell seemed to be assailed by a musky scent that became pervasive. Lupin had moved next to Snape and murmured close to his ear, before Snape could react, "Thank you Severus" and chuckled. His voice was deeper than usual, menacing, almost a growl. He backed away one step, smiling none too pleasantly and drank the potion. He passed the cup back to Snape, not quite relinquishing it, chuckled, and then moved back to his chair. Snape was disconcerted. Perhaps it was usual for the wolf to stir so visibly the night before full moon. Snape had not heard of it before. He would research it. He left Lupin, still impudently leering at Snape.

It was time to turn in for the night. As Snape was disrobing, when there was a firm knocking on his door. "It is I, Remus Lupin."

_How odd_, thought Snape, concerned there was a problem with the potion he had brewed. As he opened the door, and the wolf came through, shutting the door. It only took one look at Lupin's face to see the wolf fully behind his eyes. In that instant, the wolf had jammed Snape against the stone wall, his weight behind his right forearm braced across Snape's chest, pinning him. His left hand held Snape's right wrist behind his bank. Nose to nose, golden eyes entranced the black. Snape felt his strength drain, his will sapped, and abject terror rising in his throat. The wolf visible in the eyes, breathed in and out heavily, its breath hot whilst scenting the air around him; the creature reeked muskily. Snape was voiceless; he was powerless; he could summon no magic to his aid. The proximity of the Dark wolf in the wizard's body had in some way Snape did not understand drained him and he was helpless. The wolf as wizard charmed the door locked and warded for sound.

"I have watched you Severus for so many years. I have desired you," the wolf growled, its voice deeper than before. "And now, I am free to take you." Snape struggled but uselessly. The wolf's grip was like iron. The wolf threw Snape to the floor and advanced upon him.

It was some hours before the wolf was spent. He left Snape unconscious on the floor where he had used him. When Snape came to, it was not yet dawn. He was badly injured and bleeding. He was free of the wolf's magical binding and he Summoned his potions and unguents to him to start to heal himself, just as he was used to doing if he had incurred the Dark Lord's displeasure. As these took effect, he managed to bathe and then to start to repair his rooms which were in disarray and burn his torn clothes. This done, he sank to his knees, weeping silently. How had this happened? How had he lost his power? How had Lupin contrived that none should hear and none should save him – here, where he had always been safe from the Dark?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Snape did not see Lupin for the rest of that day of the full moon and sent a house elf to Lupin with that night's wolfsbane potion. Snape was fearful and Occluded his mind so none should see his fear. Although he knew Dumbledore would ensure the werewolf's quarters were secure for the night of the full moon, Snape placed extra wards on his quarters and then continued to treat his injuries.

Over the years when the Dark Lord ruled, Snape had grown accustomed to being debased through dominant and abusive behaviour, usually torture. But this assault, by this Dark creature! His blood boiled at the audacity and cruelty of the wolf. But he also recalled, to his mortification, the thrill of fear mingled with pleasure; of catharsis. Yes, there had been an element of that. That in itself disturbed his peace of mind greatly. It recalled the days of full participation in Dark acts of depravity and cruelty of their own sakes before his reformation and vow to Dumbledore. He remembered his initial pleasure in those rites and rituals, and his skin crawled and prickled with deepest shame and then his blood ran cold with fear that he could be seduced again by what the Dark offered. His mind was troubled and he feared his anger and confusion and that this assault could weaken his defences. If this were revealed in the presence of the Dark Lord, how could he explain this subjugation to a Dark beast? All his years of careful nurturing would be undone. _He_ would be undone.

The wolf had stalked him and taken him down like so much prey to be torn at and discarded. Snape needed to deal with it before another full moon. Too much was stake to allow him the luxury of time to recover fully from the assault, physically and mentally. Ideally, he would prefer just to kill him outright, but then how could he explain his actions. Of course, it was within Snape's power to tamper with the wolfsbane potion to incapacitate, or even dispose of, his nemesis, but Dumbledore would never accept the idea of a mistake in his brewing and nor did he wish his professional reputation to suffer. Snape had no intention of telling Dumbledore how the wolf had taken him on that night, of the pain and degradation, or even the masochistic catharsis that had followed. He had never been aware that werewolves had Dark seductive powers that could overpower the victim's will, like the vampire. His powerlessness to cast his usually powerful defensive magic was as painful to him as the physical pain or the emotional humiliation of the prolonged assault. Lupin had indeed become the Marauder he had never really been, and this was so much worse.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Today, the day after the full moon, Snape resolved to go to Lupin's rooms. Snape intended to be master of this situation and settle the score. Lupin always missed meals in the Great Hall on this first full recovery day. This lunar cycle, it was a Sunday so there would be no classes.

Lupin was not surprised to find Snape at his door, wand in hand. "Severus. Yes, please come in." He gave something like a small bow as Snape passed him. "We need to talk, I think."

The wolf was gone from Lupin's eyes. Snape could see he was, once again, the mild-mannered favourite of students, passive in stance and gesture, gentle in tone. Lupin was flushing (Snape hoped with shame) and Snape knew that the man remembered what the wolf had done and said. Snape could read that Lupin was mortified. The man was always mortified by his wolf. But, did he also take pleasure from the memories that his wolf would mortify and debase Snape? Lupin was, after all, a creature of duality.

Snape stood stiffly and regarded Lupin. He sensed the man was weak from the full moon, and afraid. Fear was not normally something that he sensed from Lupin at any other time and this was interesting. Not just fear either. Yes, there was shame – there were waves of shame. He could look further if he chose to. Lupin continued to look at Snape and Snape was sure that Lupin knew what Snape was about to do. He could take his mind as violently as the wolf had taken him, but he chose not to do so. Not yet. He brushed his own mind gently against Lupin's looking for certain answers. Yes, there was shame, a great deal of fear. He searched for pleasure in that shame in of the memory of the wolf. He could find no pleasure in the violence though, but he found some small secret pleasure in the consummation of something yearned for deeply, for many years even though it was taken by force. How extraordinary.

Well, well. Duality and depravity. Who would have thought it of Lupin? A Dark predator to his very soul, then.

"No," whispered Lupin hoarsely. Snape visibly started: Lupin had followed his thoughts through his legilimency - clever beast.

"Severus, I don't believe I have the words to describe my shame or even know how I would start. Will you listen to me? Can we find a way to protect you together? Do you prefer to just beat me or kill me? I could offer little resistance as I think you can tell," Lupin said, in a small, cracked voice.

"You are under Dumbledore's protection, much as I would like to kill you this instant. You know full well that I cannot. It is only Dumbledore's protection that has saves you as I look at you now."

Lupin remained standing, head hung, his hands held loosely together. "I deserve no better. I know it."

"Your wolf told me I had always been an object of its desire. What can you mean by it?"

Lupin's shoulders rose and fell with a large sigh. "I have always been interested in you, Severus, but I have always maintained a degree of abstinence throughout my life. I figured it would be safer for me as well as others not to become too intimate or involved with those I liked."

"I'm not sure I'm at all flattered Lupin," Snape sneered immediately.

"No, I'm sure not." Lupin never took his eyes from Snape. "When I was younger, I might have tried to get to know you better, but my friends ensured you had enough enmity for our group to cover me. I was weak enough not to want to risk those friendships or draw attention to my partiality to you by standing up for you, so I didn't. As we got older, I became more determined not to risk those I was interested in or cared for. I never even made overtures to you because of that."

"For which I am truly grateful," Snape scoffed. "Do you presume my interest would run to you at all as a man, even if you were not a werewolf or one of my childhood tormentors?"

"Severus, my interest is not exclusive either. My impression of you was and is that you, like me, are fluid in your preferences. If it were not for the werewolf, I just would have asked you directly in the standard, bumbling teenage manner and taken your rejection or acceptance, as the case may have been. Of course, there was the werewolf, so I didn't ever ask you, or anyone else for that matter."

Lupin sighed and sat down. "As I have got older and my transformations become more difficult to recover from, the wolf asserts itself the day before the physical transformation. I was used to a certain hardening of my character and cruelty of certain responses. However, Severus, I promise you that I did not know the wolf could break out so completely before the full moon. What happened with you the night before last was without precedent. It seems he does not accept my abstinence."

"It is your contention that the wolf seeks only me? If me, with this full moon, will it be another member of staff at the next or perhaps the students? You said yourself that this was unprecedented. I read your secret pleasure in what the wolf had done, Lupin. Don't lie to me," Snape spat, leaning towards Lupin, wondering how much longer he could keep his mounting anger under control.

"I won't deny there have been memories have surfaced that are ... " he shook his head, "thrilling," he finished in a small shamed voice. "I do my best to put them away from me. For all I may once have desired you, it never would have been in that manner – violence and degradation have never been my preferences. There is too much violence and Darkness in my life already Severus. Any small amount of pleasure that escaped from my subconscious I put away from myself immediately. I don't believe I represent a danger to others in this way. I have never desired any student or other teacher, and I believe the wolf is attuned to my own desires." He drew a deep breath. "But you are right, I cannot know my own wolf's desires; you may well be right. It is for you to tell me how you wish to deal with it. What protections against me can be put in place, or whether we should see Dumbledore before we do anything of that nature."

"How clever to threaten me with exposure, Lupin," Snape said silkily.

"I believe it would be my criminality and depravity that would be exposed, Severus. I am at your mercy."

"You are a foul and a duplicitous beast, Lupin. Yet you sit there as if you are reason personified. I am sure that blaming your wolf is very convenient. I mean to discover the truth of your depravity before I decide on a course of action." In a flash, Snape braced his stance, aimed his wand and cried, _"Legilimens!"_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lupin fell to his knees and cried out in pain, but did not seek his wand or even to defend himself or break eye contact. Snape knew Lupin was more than capable of defending himself from such attacks, if he chose. Snape peeled at layers and layers of Lupin's thoughts, digging and tearing with rising fury now that he had the man at his mercy. Snape's suppressed rage was released and he tore in the manner of the Dark Lord, with neither finesse nor delicacy and no regard for the pain he caused. He would say he tore in the manner the wolf had torn at him and such revenge was justified. However, Snape was also hunting. He was hunting Lupin's wolf and its memories. He wanted to hunt the wolf; judge the extent of its depravity and whether it was true that only Snape was in danger or whether others were too; then he wanted to hurt it and to mutilate its memories so the wolf and the man could derive no pleasure from Snape's own pain.

As effective as the Cruciatus, Lupin keened as his mind was savaged; the two men's eyes locked and they swayed in their in their stances. Snape's eyes were black, hard and glittered with purpose and malice; Lupin's brown eyes overflowed with tears of pain and shame, but he did not look away.

For what seemed an eternity, Snape raked through Lupin's memories and thoughts, casting it all aside in his hunt. He clawed to the very recesses of Lupin's mind and there he found the cursed creature, heavily bound, snarling with rage and pain and animal terror. Snape had the creature at his own mercy now. He could see the lengths to which Lupin had sought to bind his wolf which paced as any brutalised beast would pace, craving freedom. If it were a natural creature, Snape would pity it. It was not a natural creature; it was the very stuff of Darkness and depravity created by the very Darkest magic from the dawn of time. Snape could see from all he had torn through that Lupin had done his very best to subdue and weaken the wolf, that much was true. However, Lupin, in his abstinence, had chained his own thwarted desires to the beast and unwittingly weakened himself and made the creature stronger allowing it to break early from its lunar moorings.

Finally, Snape's rage was spent. He becalmed himself now he saw that Lupin had not spared himself in containing the monster. Snape, so well-versed in the Dark Arts and their defences, including some magics so ancient they were from time immemorial, considered his armoury. The incantation he then used was one of the oldest and most intricate bindings, used since mankind could perform magic and since werewolves could be made from men. He bound and re-bound, tethered and chained, blocked and buried. This wolf was now re-bound to the moon, never to break through whilst Lupin was a man, not even as a shadow behind Lupin's eyes. He stripped the beast of Lupin's desires, desires made foul and depraved by their chaining to the beast. It was the very best that Snape could do with the wolf while the man lived.

He withdrew softly from the mind of the man and released the spell. Lupin fell to the floor, trembling and his breath hitching whilst he cried. Snape stood back and watched as the man raised himself on his hands to look at Snape. Whilst Snape's rage was gone, he could not feel pity and he did not want to assist Lupin further. He could have repaired some damage on this retreat, but no-one but himself had repaired the damage done by the wolf to him and he did not wish to remain in the mind of his assailant. Lupin nodded imperceptibly as if he had understood this and drew himself to a sitting position, still shaking, but his breathing evening out.

"I will send you a potion to help to heal the wounds from Legilimency. I have had cause to perfect it over the years. It will assist you. Go to bed. You will not be able to teach for a few days. I will tell staff you are ill and I will take your lessons. I have re-bound your wolf. It had loosened its moorings over the years. I have stripped it of the desires you appear to have fed it."

Snape took a step back and perched on the arm of the chair behind him, his hands on his knees still looking at Lupin dispassionately. "You need to shore up those moorings further. Your abstinence was the weakness your wolf exploited. You are an unusual werewolf, Lupin, because you seek the Light and to subdue your creature. If you behaved as a werewolf, you would not deny yourself so utterly and your wolf would remain lunar-bound unless you chose to unbind him, like Greyback." Snape noticed Lupin flinch. "You know of him?"

"My sire," Lupin whispered.

Snape nodded. "A Dark creature indeed, steeped in malevolence: no doubt why your wolf is so strong." Snape leaned forward. "Shore your moorings Lupin. You need to live and love in this world, albeit cautiously. I am no confessor but you understand what I am saying. There many magics in this world and they complement each other."

"Severus..." Lupin started. "No, Lupin. I am leaving now. I do not wish to discuss this further now. I will come to see you in a few days and we will decide if you are as safe as you can be or if more needs to be done and whether Dumbledore needs to be told."

With that, Snape swept from the room, leaving Lupin to tend himself.

On arriving at his quarters, he collected the potion, wrote instructions and despatched these to Lupin by house elf. He silvered his wards with old magic then took his pain-relieving potions and re-applied his own healing unguents. He pondered his own words, "_you must live and love in this world"_ and wept quietly for himself that he could not.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

When Snape next brushed Lupin's mind, they sat face to face and Lupin allowed him access. Snape did not spare the search, but in co-operation, it did not injure Lupin this time. The creature was silvered and bound. There was no trace of any memories of the assaults in the creature. Snape was impressed by the recovery in Lupin's senses. He had not approved of Lupin being here as a werewolf at all, but he considered there was no other danger. Lupin was reserved and still shame-faced. Snape did not tell him he was forgiven, although he could see this is what Lupin craved, because Snape could not forgive him. Even if he could excise those memories from himself, Lupin was not his friend and never had been. They had agreed that they would tell Dumbledore together of the re-binding Snape had undertaken on the wolf. At Snape's insistence, Lupin agreed the lurid detail of the wolf's assaults would not be revealed. As much as confession might be good for Lupin's soul, Snape could not bear it: his was not a life of dragging the Dark into the Light for examination.

The students were not yet back from their Christmas break. There were very few in the Castle. It had been quiet. It had been a time for meditation and healing for both men, separately from each other.

And yet, Snape would still lie awake some nights, his heart pounding in his ears or he would pace his quarters when there was no work - over and over again reviewing things he had seen in the man's desire (although not the wolf's). He found he wanted them. He wanted physical closeness, affection and, yes, release. He didn't to deny himself any more. He told himself it was madness. It was the worst type of victimhood. And yet, he of all people knew the power of the Darkness and how it would draw some to their downfall, or to the edge of the precipice of it. He had brought Lupin back from that Dark precipice. Lupin the man was not his assailant – Snape knew the difference – Snape understood the duality.

Eventually, he resolved. He wrote a note and sealed it:

_Lupin,_

_May I see you?_

_S.S._

No more than this. It was taken by house elf. The response came by return.

_Yes please._

Snape took Lupin for his lover. Neither man had had many lovers, their own lives being so fractured. Their love-making was tender and affectionate; sometimes it was slow and sad. It was never violent. It was true for both men that they had suffered too much violence and shame in their own ways to seek it out. Snape enjoyed this whilst it lasted, although it was only a matter of months. The physical closeness and affection overlaid his worst memories of the man and he treasured and gilded the new memories and kept them safe for these were some of the very few tender moments that he had. He didn't fear these new memories being found for what they revealed as Death Eaters always considered themselves entitled to physical gratification, provided there was no weakness. Snape had enough duality of his own to conceal the tender nature of the relationship, if necessary. No, he wasn't fearful of this so he gave himself to it fully.

However, when circumstances conspired to release the werewolf again when Sirius Black found his way into the grounds of Hogwarts, Snape personally saw to it that Lupin could not remain. Snape didn't regret this because he hated the wolf. The wolf was not the man who had been his lover, but now Snape had seen the wolf fully and he would never be able to see past the wolf to the man again.


End file.
